those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
why do cheetos always look like penises
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Randomize
