i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
