But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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