I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
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