I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Randomize
