fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Randomize
