I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
