when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Randomize
