Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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