The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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