Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Randomize
