This girl is more easily done than said...
I miss vodka workout Fridays
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
that may or may not have been my penis.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
