The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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