it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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