i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
