I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
He? As in you personified your dick?
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
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