youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
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Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
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Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!