guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
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