i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
People With No Siblings Will Never Understand These 23 Things
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
25 Seemingly Normal Things That Give Some People Massive Anxiety
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.