Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
she looked like the before picture.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.