i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
They took my balls.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home