we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises