I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
