you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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