I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
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