Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
