nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Randomize
