i think i have herpe
just one?
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
