3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
