It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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