So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
