dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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