Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
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