yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Randomize
