wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize