I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
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What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
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some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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