Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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