I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
COCAINE IS GR8
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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