Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
