every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
