Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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