its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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