I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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