When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
