You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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