is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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