What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
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