i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
