too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
She told me I should be a condom model.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Randomize
