White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
