i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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