Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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