I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
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Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
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It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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