Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
