He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
You are the jesus of drinking
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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