Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
