You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
