So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
she smelled like a LAN party
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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