Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so much tequila, so little girl.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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