I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
