I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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