I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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