i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
