I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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