Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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