My nipple is on Facebook.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
