She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
as a side note pls kill me
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
