There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
