Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
She made me pour olive oil on her.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
