If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Let's get the cat blown out
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
