I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I'm sobbing to NWA
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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