College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
