i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
