This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
wanna go halves on a baby?
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
