he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
