Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
