Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
