just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Randomize
