I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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