i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
