Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
we're chasing vodka with high fives
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
