Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
sarcasm needs its own font
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
