I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
